Deja Vu

When I got a couple of new bosses at work, I had high hopes that things would change for the better. It's only been two weeks, so I know I should give them time, but I've already seen a number of things go downhill. First of all, I find myself working longer hours, doing way more tasks, and spending half my day either in meetings or writing up status reports to account for my time. I feel a bit like a criminal with a GPS tracker bracelet attached to my ankle. Each time I walk two-feet away from my desk an alarm goes off, and one of these bosses instantly tries to contact me to give me a task to do. That makes is difficult to go to the bathroom, pick up the mail, feed the horses, clean stalls, do the laundry, go to doctors' appointments, and even fix myself a cup of coffee. I have to live with my face buried in a computer screen, because someone is always checking up on me through instant messaging.

When I was told that my old boss was no longer my supervisor and that I should no longer do any tasks that he asks me to do, I jumped for joy. My old boss was highly inconsiderate in that he would continually try to prevent me from taking lunch breaks by giving me some urgent task to do right before he left on his own lunch break, and saying he wanted it done by the time he returned. He also was notorious for purposefully waiting until 4:00 PM on a Friday to give me a huge project that is due on Monday, thus forcing me to work through the weekend.

Unfortunately, my old boss still gives me tasks and pulls these stunts, but now he just does it through my new bosses and with their approval. I haven't had a decent lunch break in weeks. I'm supposed to be spending half an hour of my lunch break exercising thanks to doctors' orders, yet if I am not allowed to take a lunch break, I can't exercise.

With the time change, it is dark by the time I get off from work. I can no longer wait until evening to clean the horse stalls. Since I start work around 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning, there's no daylight or time to do it before work either. The only time I can clean stalls is over my lunch break... which I don't get. Therefore, my horses have been spending a lot of time standing around in fouled nests lately.

I wish there were some way that I could make my employers see how negatively they affect my life when they monopolize my time. I wish I could make them sleep in their own poop since that's what my horses have to do. I wish I could make them live in a little tiny box with only a computer and no food, since they never allow me time to go to the market. (My poor husband has had to do the majority of the marketing lately.) I wish I could force them to do some boring, monotonous, yet excruciatingly frustrating task for 12 to 16-hours straight, seven days a week, so that they can't have a life outside of that task. Then when all is said and done, I wish I could tell them that their productivity level is unsatisfactory and I'm going to throw out all the work they did and make them start over. That's exactly what they do to me.

Yes, I make good money and I get to work from home, but is it worth it? I ask myself that every day.

What's the Buzz?

Is it just me, or are others bothered by the behavior of their appliances? Because I work out of my home and have to do household chores at the same time, I don't appreciate having my concentration broken by beeping and buzzing noises. Microwaves and ovens are the worst. They beep 3 or 4 times to let you know that the cooking time has ended, and they follow it up with a reminder beep every 30 seconds. First off, a lot of foods that you put into the microwave require a cool down time before you attempt to touch the container, so you have to purposefully leave them in the microwave for a few minutes. Since I jump out of my skin every time the microwave beeps, I have to leave my desk to go open the microwave door to stop the beeping, and then let the item cool down.

My husband and son are in the habit of putting something into the microwave and not getting around to retrieving it until 20 minutes later. That's 40 beeps that distract me from my tasks until I can't take it anymore and get up to go open the microwave door. My job requires a tremendous amount of concentration, and when I've got all these household buzzers going off at any given time, I just can't do my job. It's like having someone standing over you saying, "Tend to me NOW. Stop what you are doing and deal with ME."

So, I have to leave my desk and go deal with the laundry or the food or the cell phone that begs to be charged or whatever it is that demands my attention. I, personally, think that appliance manufacturers need to get with it and provide customers with a way to turn off those buzzers. I know some appliances do come with those options, but I think it should be a requirement, because when I shop for appliances I always forget to check to see if they have that option, and then I get stuck with the beeps for the next 15 years.

When I do drive into the company's office, I have the misfortune of sitting right next to the kitchen and have to listen to those reminder beeps every time each of those 20-some employees fixes their lunch. It drives me so nuts that I have to take a break around noon and just go take a nap in the backseat of my car.

Anyway, what does this have to do with a health blog? Well, these buzzers cause me stress. In today's world, nothing can be done immediately unless you happen to be someone who is fortunate enough to be able to pay others to do everything for you. People are always multi-tasking. They have to. Otherwise, nothing would get done. As a result, the tasks that need their attention have to get in line and wait. And BE QUIET about it. Sheesh.

I'm thinking the next big arena for inventions is going to be inventions that are not just conveniences, but inventions that respect people's time, peace and quiet, and help them lead stress-free lives. This ain't the 1950's with Mama standing over the stove in an apron all day. This is an era of way too many demands and over-stimulation for all genders. A little peace and quiet is what most of us need. Of course, sometimes those buzzers are needed and appreciated, such as when I need a reminder that I have the hose running in a water trough outdoors, but it should always be the consumer's choice of whether they want to hear buzzers or not.

Demolishing the Diet and Exercise Routine

We have been remodeling our kitchen this past week, which has directly affected both our diet and exercise in good ways and bad ways. I've been tracking my calorie intake and calorie burn off rate in a computer program. On the day that I worked 8 hours straight moving everything out of the kitchen for the demolition, I was at negative 4,000 calories. In other words, the calories I burned during all that physical activity far exceeded the total of calories I consumed throughout the day.

However, once I had to return to my desk job I was in trouble. We had very little food around the house and started picking up fast food for meals. My husband brought home a breakfast burrito from Jack in the Box, and I was shocked to find out that it totaled nearly 900 calories! I'm only allowed to consumed 1,500 calories a day, and that 900 calories from the breakfast burrito didn't even include the hash brown sticks, lunch and dinner. I ended up skipping lunch, but still consumed way to many calories that day without getting a break to burn them off.

Another night I brought home In 'N Out Burgers. A double-double is around 800 calories. Another day we had Taco Bell for lunch. I won't even go there, because I hate to put myself under that much stress to be counting all my calories. That's why I let the computer program do it for me. I'm not into reading labels and writing down numbers. I just roughly round out the numbers that pop up on the computer when I input what I ate that day and can get a good idea whether I'm going to gain or lose weight that week.

What it comes down to is that this is going to be a bad week for me. Unless I can get away from my desk and do more physical labor, and unless we can get those new kitchen cabinets installed quick, I'm on the fast-track toward a major weight gain. In the meantime, I'm trying to store what food I can in bags around the house and buying from the market instead of fast food places. Without having a range hooked up to cook on, our variety of food is limited.

Unpleasant Reminders

My son and I were perusing thumbnail images, when he pointed to this picture and said, "That's a big lady."

I said, "Thanks. That's me."

He instantly got embarrassed and tried to figure out a way to take back his words. I opened the image so that we could get a closer look, and realized that my "bigness" was partly an illusion. I was wearing an oversized men's dress shirt that was catching the wind like a kite. Obviously, my back is not that shape, so I'm not filling out that shirt. However, I admit I weighed more than ever in this picture. It was taken by a friend on her cell phone camera while we were trail riding on stable horses up at Lake Tahoe. The scenery is awesome. If we ever do this again, I want to pack my good camera in a saddle bag and take many more pictures.

Anyway, I thought I would post this picture, because it was one of the catalysts that pushed me into losing 30 pounds. Those jeans I'm wearing now slip down my hips. In fact, it wasn't just this picture that made me face reality. It was the fact that the trail guides had to bring out their biggest horse for me. You know that's embarrassing when someone worries that you might crush their horse.

What's Up With My Clothes?

As far as I know, I haven't been losing weight, but for some reason my torso is shrinking. Either that or all my shirts, tops, and blouses are stretching. Over the past several weeks I have been surprised each morning to pull a shirt over my head and have it fall loosely around me. I'm so used to wearing tops that stick like glue to my figure -- or lack thereof. You don't realized how big you were until you try on some clothes that you shrunk out of. A part of me is sad, because I loved many of these clothes and now they are not my size anymore. On the other hand, it's so nice to see progress in the weight control department.

I've been trying to figure out what changed. I haven't been doing any new exercises, nor have I been exercising for longer periods of time. I haven't been eating any healthier, nor have I been eating less. Everything has just about been the same. EXCEPT... I went off all of my prescription medications one month ago. Ironically, one of the pills was for high blood pressure caused by being overweight, and it was probably causing me to remain at a heavy weight. The other pill was for hormone therapy to regulate my reproductive system. Those are notorious for causing weight gain. Now I understand why I was stuck at that same weight for so long. Medications can help, but usually not without some form of sacrifice.

Get Your Nose Out of My Shopping Cart!

Buying food in a supermarket can be uncomfortable for heavyset people. You feel like everyone is assessing your purchases, and I suspect they are. Today I stopped off at a market on the way home from work to pick up some items I can't find in our local stores, and was astounded by the number of nosy people who couldn't take their eyes off the items in my cart. Then when it was my turn to place my purchases on the treadmill, everyone in line was staring obsessively as I placed each item on display. One would think I were a magician pulling rabbits and doves out of a hat. I could see them looking disgusted at the sweets, and then looking me up and down with the same disgusted expression. I wanted to blurt out, "Get a life, people! Look at a magazine or something, but don't stare at me and my purchases!"

You know that Jack in the Box commercial in which Jack is walking through a market, and a woman is placing one of those bulk-sized toilet paper packages into her cart? He stops to gawk and says, "Whoa! Somebody's getting their fiber!"

I don't laugh at that commercial, because I am always the woman putting that bulk package of T.P. into her cart with people around me staring and making judgments. I'm sure they are thinking that I have some kind of digestive disease or perhaps the flu. Actually, I just buy food at my weekly marketing, and then I make a special trip into the city to buy bulk non-food items once every three months or so. There isn't enough room in most shopping carts to buy a week's worth of food for a family of four, plus non-food items. It's not wise to buy just one tissue box or just one roll of T.P. each week, because the less you buy, the more it costs. Since you'll be blowing your nose and wiping your *$$ the rest of your life, you may as well stock up on those items and buy in bulk to save money. Food is perishable, so you should only buy as much of that as you can eat within a week.

Anyway, I stopped at this supermarket in the city mainly to stock up on bulk paper goods, to replace some socks that have holes in them, and to pick up a few items that I forgot to put on the last shopping list. Along the way I saw some items that I don't get to eat often, and I splurged. I also like to buy extra-large boxes of cereals at this store. My local markets only have small cereal boxes at $5 a pop, while this big supermarket had huge cereal boxes for $2.50 each. Hmmmmm... I can have twice as much for half as much money or half as much for twice as much money. Tough choice.

Anyway, the people around me made it clear by their behavior that they didn't understand the logic of my shopping choices. I'm sure they all thought I eat nothing but cereal and sweets, then take laxatives to flush it all out. Nope. I just bought several months worth of cereal, several months worth of bulk paper goods, and managed to save a lot of time as well as money. I won't have to go back to buy more for a very long time.

Perhaps I should be the one stopping and gawking at the people who buy single serve items. I can blurt out something like, "Whoa! Somebody needs to take a course in time and money management!"

Cats in the Cradle

You know this old song by Harry Chapin?

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

This song runs through my head every time my mother requests my company and I have to turn her down because of my job. My mother was fortunate enough to never have to work. Her father was an attorney, her mother was a pharmacist, and her husband was a civil engineer. All made enough money to support her. She only worked when she wanted something to do. She volunteered in the community occasionally to keep busy.

That's a stark contrast from me. My father did take care of my financial needs when I was young, but by the time I married, two incomes were required in order to maintain a middle class lifestyle. When my children were really young, I worked part-time, but once they could mostly take care of themselves, I had to launch into a full-time career that is very demanding.

Now my mother is 77 years old and getting more feeble by the day. She's a very intelligent, very sociable person, but all of her friends have either grown too old to travel to see her, or have passed away. She's desperate for company, and always begs me to spend more time with her. That's not easy when you live 400 miles apart, and trying to get an entire week off from work is nearly impossible while working for a company that's trying to keep its head above water during an economic recession.

She tried to come visit me in my home in July, but came down with the flu. So, she tried again this September, and made it to my doorstep. Seeing how she struggled to walk made me feel ashamed that my circumstances forced her to make such a gargantuan effort just to see me. It should never have come to this. Granted, she does make this trip twice a year to vacation in a cabin in the mountains in hopes that the serene location might lure a few visitors who will keep her company. I love that she's independent enough to make the drive alone and do all the packing and unpacking herself. However, she was sad to tell me that her friend who normally rented the cabin next to hers had died, and a new, younger couple was renting it out.

I'm so busy that I often can't even give up one Sunday to drive the three-hour round trip to and from her cabin when she's in my area. When I do spend an entire day at her cabin, something at home or work falls on the wayside, and my stress level is much higher the following week while I try to get caught up by multi-tasking. Having never had to work, and having both gardeners and maids helping her out at home, my mother cannot relate to what it means to be over-extended.

However, being lonely and bored has its own kind of stress. Obviously, I worry about my mother passing away before I really get to spend some time with her. When she visited me this week, I could only give her my one-hour lunch break. Somehow that turned into two hours when she insisted on celebrating my birthday early. In the meantime, I was being bombarded by emails from my supervisors asking for the status of my work while I was opening the present my mother brought me. No extended lunch break goes unnoticed. They monitor me closely while I work from home.

I made my father-in-law's eyes tear up when he visited this summer and walked in the door by surprise right when I was sitting down for a phone conference. He started talking loudly and I had to shush him up, so that I could conduct the meeting over the phone. I could see that he clearly did not understand why I couldn't just take a little time off from work while he was in town. I've tried to explain that I can't accommodate surprise visits. I need several weeks notice if I am expected to change my schedule for visitors.

Still, we can't live forever, and it seems that my calendar is permanently overbooked. I have to find some way to spend time with aging relatives. My mother has been begging me for years to go on a vacation with her. It started out with her offering to pay for me to go on a three-week cruise. I could never get three consecutive weeks off from work, so she found shorter cruises, but I still couldn't make it happen. Having me away from home for more than a few days would be too stressful for my family. I was needed at home to take care of chores and chauffeur the kids around. My husband would have had to clone himself or clone me to get it all done, and it didn't seem fair that my family members would have to cancel their activities so that I could go on a cruise.

My mother and I had planned to go to the Arabian Horse Show in Scottsdale, but the travel plans could never come together without a hitch. Last year, I managed to drive to her house 400 miles away, pick her up, and take her to a horse show near her home for two days. That was the best I could do. Now she begs me to take that same two-day trip with her every year, but my company scheduled a big project at the same time as the horse show this year.

Even if I reserve those few days to take off a year in advance, my company can still tell me that they need me, and I have to cancel my vacation plans. That's why I don't like paying for plane tickets and hotel rooms in advance. I don't want to lose the money in case I can't cancel early enough to recoup a refund. I've been keeping an eye out for less demanding jobs, but unemployment is so high right now that jobs are hard to come by. In the meantime, there's nothing to say but, "I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Mom."